On November 11th, 2016, the 1-year anniversary of Amanda’s death, the Resonate Band will be recording a live worship album. These songs are powerful reminders to us of God’s faithfulness even in the most horrific of circumstances.

From day one I recognized this was not just a physical attack, but a spiritual one. There was no other way I could understand how all this could have happened in the hour and a half I was gone from my house, other than this was a strategically mapped out, carefully plotted ploy by evil powers that live in the supernatural realm and have been given dominion of this world.

From day one, anytime someone would talk about those last 45 minutes, it was too much for me to handle. In fact, I think the Lord knew it was too much for me to handle. So I believe He gave me this one truth to hang my heart on until He could show me other truths.

Over the next 4 weeks, every Monday, I’m going to share my journey of healing with you. I’m going to share with you what I feel like the Lord has showed me. I don’t know for sure everything that happened in those last 45 minutes of Amanda’s life, either in the natural realm or the supernatural one, but the truths I’ll share with you the next 4 weeks are the ones that have helped me heal.

Time constraints didn’t allow us to answer every question that was texted in during our live Q&A, but I decided to take the best 5 questions we didn’t answer and give my best explanations right here on the blog. You can see the answers to questions 1-3 on a post from earlier this week. I'll answer questions 4 and 5 today. I hope this helps to provide healing and hope in your situation.

Last Sunday I invited Amanda’s family to join me on stage and answer questions about life, death, grief and loss. It was an incredibly healing time for all of us. We laughed, cried, and processed in real time. It’s always been a value in our church to be authentic and real about where you’re at and how Jesus is walking you in next steps and I believe that applies from the top/down of leadership. Thank you for letting us be real with you!

We’ve received countless stories of how Amanda’s story has changed people’s lives. I love to hear these because they remind me that NOTHING IS WASTED. I wanted you to see some of these stories too. This one is from Anna. 

I purchased Amanda a sword from the movie Braveheart the Valentines Day during our engagement. I know, most guys do chocolates and flowers but I’m not most guys, and Amanda wasn’t most girls. She was special and each special occasion I felt the urge to do something special for her. Something that would top the last.

Sometimes you don’t have an explanation for it. It defies reason. It defies logic. It’s no respecter of time or appointments. It doesn’t take into consideration conversations you’re needing to have, situations you’re needing to save-face for. Grief. Agonizing, gut-wrenching grief.

We've received countless stories of how Amanda's story has changed people's lives. I love to hear these because they remind me that NOTHING IS WASTED. I wanted you to see some of these stories too. 

“I’m so proud of you.” These are five words that would completely change my day when Amanda would say them to me . . . Gosh, it would change my week! I am a words of affirmation kind of person, which means I feel most loved when someone affirms me. For that reason I’m extra sensitive to both helpful words directed at me and harmful words.

As a female, it's sometimes hard to navigate through different seasons of life with people. Single, married, pregnant, motherhood. Sometimes it's hard to relate to others, sometimes our lives just become so different that schedules and priorities just don't seem to align anymore. Sometimes our interests no longer match up, and sometimes, without even seeing it, a gap can begin to grow between us and some of our closest friends. 

As I walked into Amanda's home on Friday, November 13, I remember feeling anxious and nervous, and a whole slew of emotions that I had never experienced before walking into her home. I had walked into her home hundreds of times - and each time I felt happy, and excited, and welcomed, and - well, HOME.

There are very few times in my life when I have been truly surprised. You know, that overwhelming SHOCK that completely catches you off guard, and you wonder how in the world you didn't see that coming?! I can literally count on one hand the number of times this has ACTUALLY happened to me. And every single one of them involves my sister, Amanda. 

Evie would have been born 4 days ago. It's 7:42am and I'm sure I would be finishing up my morning coffee, readying myself to wake Weston up while Amanda tends to Evie. I'd bring Weston his milk and take him into the bedroom to see his mommy and his new baby sister. Weston's been saying "baby" a lot recently. It comes out more like "bebe."

Despite the waves of emotion, I determined this year’s race was going to be special. We had 40 people in #ForIndy t-shirts running in honor of Amanda. Our Resonate Worship band was one of the featured bands along the route. 50 more of our Resonate volunteers signed up to pass out gatorade to runners. I was on track to post a personal record by running a faster time than I’d ever run a half-marathon. This year was going to be special!

This picture was taken almost 28 years ago on Easter Sunday. It was the most beautiful day. The sun was shining, and the birds were chirping. I can even remember folding my lace-trimmed socks down over my white patent leather shoes.

We've received countless stories of how Amanda's story has changed people's lives. I love to hear these because they remind me that NOTHING IS WASTED. I wanted you to see some of these stories too. This one is from Heather. 

But really? A double wedding? Who does that? Well, we did. Partly to save money (I mean our guest lists were basically identical), and partly because we like to be unique. We had never been to a double wedding, and there were definitely moments when I think we both wondered what we were getting ourselves into.

Yesterday I took Weston to Amanda’s gravesite for the first time. I thought it fitting to begin a new Mother’s Day tradition with him. Needless to say it was very painful. Her headstone wasn't set yet, and he certainly didn’t understand what I was trying to tell him. But I wanted him to know more about his mommy.